Chile Journal Entry 2

July 15th - Santiago, Chile

I can't remember another day of such conflicting emotions before. Although I was exhausted, flying into Santiago, seeing the Southern Andes, seeing this beautiful city with its beautiful people for the first time. . . All these things set my soul singing this morning; singing songs like "Indescribable," "God of Wonders," and "Mighty to Save." I was so thrilled to be here, and assured even more about my calling to international missions in South America. My heart was touch by the people, by listening to Cliff tell me how he and Cinthy ended up in Uruguay and then Chile, and seeing their passion and struggle to reach the people of Santiago. All of these things made me so excited!!. . . .

. . . . But in just one moment, my whole attitude changed! When I went to pay for lunch at the restaurant, I discovered that my passport, credit cards, driver's license, and cash had all been stolen! I was crushed, upset, angry, embarrassed. . . and suddenly less sure about anything than I had been just 5 minutes earlier. Was my faith really so weak that this small act caused me to lose faith and doubt my calling, my future, and this trip? Am I really that shallow, that one lost blessing could cause me to turn an angry fist towards God? In the end, I had lost very little. . . some cash was missing, my passport could be replaced, and all the money on the credit cards was saved. The main thing that was gone was my pride, and my sense of self-reliance. . . . I felt shamed in front of my youth group, and my attitude that I could 'handle' South America was gone. I couldn't even handle a 10 minute bus ride. . . how can I support my family moving here, living here, ministering here?

God, I need you desperately, to guard my heart, and give me a strong dependence on You! Thank you for using trials to slowly remove my pride and self-sufficiency, and make me lean more and more on you each day!