Every New Day

This is one of the most powerful and emotional songs I know. . . I was recently listening to it again, and wanted to share it with you all. . . This is "Every New Day" by Five Iron Frenzy:

When I was young, the smallest trick of light,
Could catch my eye,
Then life was new and every new day,
I thought that I could fly.
I believed in what I hoped for,
And I hoped for things unseen,
I had wings and dreams could soar,
I just don't feel like flying anymore.
When the stars threw down their spears,
Watered Heaven with their tears,
Before words were spoken,
Before eternity.

Dear Father, I need you,
Your strength my heart to mend.
I want to fly higher,
Every new day again.

When I was small, the furthest I could reach,
Was not so high,
Then I thought the world was so much smaller,
Feeling that I could fly.
Through distant deeps and skies,
Behind infinity,
Below the face of Heaven,
He stoops to create me.

Dear Father, I need you,
Your strength my heart to mend.
I want to fly higher,
Every new day again.

Man versus himself.
Man versus machine.
Man versus the world.
Mankind versus me.
The struggles go on,
The wisdom I lack,
The burdens keep pilling
Up on my back.
So hard to breathe,
To take the next step.
The mountain is high,
I wait in the depths.
Yearning for grace,
And hoping for peace.
Dear God...
Increase.

Healing hands of God have mercy on our unclean souls once again.
Jesus Christ, light of the world burning bright within our hearts forever.
Freedom means love without condition, without a beginning or an end.
Here's my heart, let it be forever Yours,
Only You can make every new day seem so new!

I have lately felt like the bridge of this song: the struggles go on, the wisdom I lack, and these burdens keep piling up on my back. Between camps, mission trips, financial issues, family trips, having another child, being a Godly father and husband, failing at being a Godly father and husband, worries and questions about the future. . . in all these things I feel completely inadequate. And the reason is because I am, completely inadequate! Nothing I can do is good enough because Biblically, nothing I can do is good. I am a sinful man, and even in my attempts to do good, I sin. I am desperately hopeless, completely confused, eternally lost. . . Until God increases. He is the Good and Pure and Holy One, He is the lover of my soul, and the one who can purify me of all this dross and refine in me the heart and life I need to have. Without Him I am lost and selfish and stressed and worried and completely without hope, as we all are, every one of us. But, with Him I am redeemed, loved, full of joy and peace and hope. Lord, every new day I need more of You in my life, in all of my life. Please, dear God, increase!

Tamed and Hypocrisy

So, we are currently discussing "Taming the Tongue" in youth group. . .4 different weeks, 4 subjects: Encouragement, Quarreling, Profanity, and Praising. This past week, I was gone (the only Sunday I can remember missing for a non-youth ministry related event. While I was gone, I had my friend and former student Jacob teach the lesson on quarreling. . . and talk about how we often miss the point about God simply because we are too busy arguing the things that don't really matter. So, lo and behold, while I'm out of town, I have several opportunities to discuss religion with some members of my wife's family: Catholic wedding, a cousin discusses their Episcopal church, talking about pastors I've been listening to online and books I've been reading. . . great discussions and conversations. But, at the end of the weekend, I realize that I haven't discussed one single thing of eternal importance all weekend! I've argued theology, discussed ideas, and stood up for the 'right things,' but never once talked about God's love, Christ's atonement, my depravity, or God's great grace and salvation. What a horrible moment to realize that I've missed the point completely, and haven't learned even from the lessons that I've prepared the importance of my every word being seasoned with salt and being prepared to give an answer for this hope that I have!! Forgive me, Lord, for these and all other times that I've missed the chances You've given me simply because I couldn't stop my tongue and use the Spirit instead!

Addict

I recently decided to sit down and read Donald Miller's 'Blue Like Jazz.' There were pros and cons to the book, but there were definitely several passages that stuck out to me and convicted me on different levels. One of the greatest messages I got out of the book is just another reminder of the depth of my own selfishness.

"Life was a story about me because I was in every scene. In fact, I was the only one in every scene. I was everywhere I went. If somebody walked into my scene, it would frustrate me because they were disrupting the general theme of the play, namely my comfort or glory. Other people were flat characters in my movie, lifeless characters. Sometimes I would have scenes with them, dialogue, and they would speak their lines, and I would speak mine. But the movie, the grand movie stretching from Adam to the Antichrist, was about me. I wouldn't have told you that at the time, but that is the way I lived.

The most difficult lie I have ever contended with is this: Life is a story about me. I hear of addicts talk about the shakes and panic attacks and the highs and lows of resisting their habit, and to some degree I understand them because I have had habits of my own, but no drug is as powerful as the drug of self. No rut in the mind is so deep as the one that says I am the world, the world belongs to me, all people are characters in my play. There is no addiction so powerful as self-addiction."

Those of you that have known me for any length of time, you know that I have a deep addiction to self as well. In high school, my pride was one of my defining characteristics. . .people joked about it, a girl that I liked charged me a dime every time I said something proud, and I even ended up having a shirt made that said "Tenor God" to brag about my singing abilities (I still have the shirt if you're interested in seeing it sometime.) In college, God did a great work to break me of my pride. . .but I'm still a self addicted person.

I've joked with people before that when I married Sara, I discovered how selfish I still was. I wanted my own time, I wanted to watch my own shows, I wanted to talk on my schedule, not hers. Over time, I worked through those things. . .but when Zoe came into my world, I again discovered that I was still selfish, just in completely different ways. In every area and aspect of my life, there is selfishness, manifesting itself in different ways, but always there. . . .

Prodigal

Recently, one of the youth that I love and care about deeply had a rift with family, which caused this person to move out suddenly. Of course, this action cause a lot of feelings of hurt, anger, betrayal, and other expected emotions from the family and loved ones. This struck deep at my heart for two reasons: first, God has been increasingly softening my heart towards my youth lately, allowing more sorrow and weeping over sin and less anger, and my heart breaks with love for the pain of this child and the family. Second, however, I just finished listening to a sermon about covenant by Mark Driscoll from Mars Hill Church in Seattle. His quote about covenant got me thinking heavily on this issue:

"Who has absolutely betrayed you? And how did you respond? What did you feel? What did you say? What did you do? I want you to go there with me emotionally, because we often absolutely neglect to look at life from God's position. You see, we have betrayed Him! You know the story of Genesis, you've heard it many times, how God created the heavens and the earth, how God carefully prepared the earth for you and I to live on, that God created our first parents in His image and likeness, that God blessed them, that God spoke to them, that God honored them, that He gave them tremendous freedom, that He cultivated a Garden for them, and said they could eat from any tree except one, they were naked without shame, he brought them together and gave them marriage that they could have intimacy and relations and love and joy, and then our parents and every single one of us since absolutely, completely and utterly betrayed God! We disrespected Him, we disregarded Him, we disobeyed Him, we dishonored Him, and we all do. The betrayal that God has endured is worse that any betrayal that anyone else will ever endure. Put yourself in the position of God: if you had done all this good, and then were betrayed, sinned against, how would you respond? What is amazing is how God responds. Most of the time with you and I it's either fight or flight: we're gonna get revenge if we've been betrayed, or we're gonna distance ourselves so that we can't get hurt again. God instead draws near to deal with sin, and He offers us relationship, and the word the Bible uses to describe how God responds to our sin is covenant."

What a beautiful thought about how God responds to the sin of His children. Even in the story of the prodigal son, when the father has been so deeply hurt and betrayed by his son, when the son comes home, how does the father respond? Not with anger. Not with demands. Not with frustration. With running and love and open arms. He tells the servants, "Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found." What a great image of our Father God, not sitting and waiting for us to come near, but running quickly, arms open, robes flapping, anxious to be reunited with His child. Martin Luther said that this is the defining characteristic of the love of God: compassion. Let us thank God for His love, and dwell in His compassion this week!