Those who teach with authority . . .

Last week was probably one of the harder weeks I've had since I've been in the ministry. I have several youth, either former youth that have graduated and moved on, or current youth, who are making bad decisions for their lives, and last week God completely broke my heart over their sin and struggles. Drinking, partying, sex, drugs, school problems, relationship problems, family problems, all seem prevalent in their lives, and is ruining them and their walk with God. I've seen a lot of these problems before, in them and in other youth, and my typical response was frustration with them: "What's wrong with them?? Why don't they do what they know they should? Don't they love God??" Last week, though, God would no longer allow me to respond with frustration; instead, He broke my heart. God showed me MY sin, and the mistakes and the errors I make still, even as a servant of God. He showed me how broken He is over my sin, and how broken He is over the sin of my students as well. And after seeing that, my natural response was to weep. To cry over the devastation of sin in the lives of my students, over the shame and pain and despair that it is causing them, over the separation with God that it is bringing them. My heart broke, and it still hasn't healed yet.

However, not only did my heart break, but I also went to the other extreme from frustration: self-blame. I've spent a lot of time in the past few weeks wondering what I could have done, what I should have done, to keep these students from falling so badly. I felt like a REAL youth pastor wouldn't have his students falling like this. If only I made my Bible studies clearer, my sermon illustrations more compelling, if I spent more time with each student, and would have spent more time with each student's family. If I was a better Christian, a stronger follower, a more humble servant, then no one who came into contact with me would fall away, but ALL would be encouraged to follow more closely. The tears of bitterness over feeling like more could be done are even more painful than tears of brokenness. While I know in my heart that these feelings are crazy, and that people will fall away because they do not follow God like they should, and we all have free will, and use that to turn from God (sorry to anyone who's a hyper-Calvinist and doesn't believe that), it's still have to handle as a leader, and hard to put out of my mind. I do believe that there is something to my self-pity, however. The Bible teaches that those who teach and lead will be held in higher judgment that those who do not. The Word tells us, "Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly," and again, "Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account." Because of this, the burden on me is strong right now, as I feel the need to give an account to my Lord for those who are under my care who fall away. O Lord, forgive me in my failings as a leader! Show those under me the Truth of You, and the desire You have for holiness in Your children. Lead me as well, to lead as You have called me to, and to be upright and righteous in Your sight! And calm my grieving heart, and replace it with a joy and peace that comes from You, through Your Son Jesus Christ. Amen.

Imitation of the Divine

The other day, as I had the rare opportunity to lay on the couch, watching TV, my daughter Zoe came up, and wanted to be with daddy. Though she is awful squirmy, and doesn't make watching TV very easy, I let her up. . .Instead of laying on my lap, or next to me, like she usually does, she headed to the other end of the couch. Once there, she proceeded to lay down too, in perfect imitation of me: hands behind her head, legs crossed, big smile on her face, and eyes on me. Every time I moved, so did she. It was so flattering and beautiful, that it almost made me cry (anyone else notice that having a daughter makes you more of a cry-baby? or am I the only one?). We laid there like that for a few minutes, her matching my every move, enjoying the company of one another.

It was a beautiful picture of what our walk with Christ is supposed to be like: Us, coming to our Father, wanting to move in time with Him, to be in perfect imitation of that which we hold in so much love and awe. We should desire to move when He does, rest when He does, speak when He does, love when He does, all because it is modeled for us perfectly from our Abba Father above. No wonder Jesus said, "Unless you come to me like a little child, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." When we come to Him as adults, we come asking questions, wanting our own way, with issues about trust and loyalty and fidelity. . .but when we come as a child, we come in innocence, with complete trust and love and devotion. We come with a desire to imitate our Daddy in every way, because He's the best. We come wanting to make our Daddy proud, cause we're so proud of Him. We come wanting to love Him with all that we are and all that we have, because He loved us first. What a beautiful picture of Christ my daughter gave me! What a wonderful Father we have!

The Big Top

I was listening to the old Christian band Johnny Q Public today, and heard this song entitled "The Big Top":

Painted expressions filling the stands
Are the best at twisting animal balloons
And it's so funny watching the magician
Pulling big green rabbits out of
little leather pouches
Under the Big Top there's a tickle in my ear
It's creepy, crawly, scary
I don't feel fear

Under the Big Top
You've got a home
If they can fill the seats
And pay the loan

There went a donkey and an elephant
Telling everyone about what is to come
And when the birdies sing, I am reminded
Not everyone who cries "Lord,
Lord" will enter the Kingdom
Under the Big Top there's a tickle in my ear
It's creepy, crawly, scary
I don't feel fear

Under the Big Top there's a tickle in my ear
It's creepy, crawly, scary
I don't feel fear

Blank expressions filling the pews
Are the best at twisted animal views
And it's so funny to watch the minister
Pulling big green rabbits out of
little leather purses

The thought struck me: is this what church is for many of us? Is church a place where we expect to either be entertained, or swindled? Let's take these thoughts one at a time.

There are many, many people today who are looking for a church home, or are dissatisfied with the church they're currently attending. One big reason for this is entertainment. If you ask people about what they look for in a church, or why they left their last church, you'll often hear "It wasn't my type of music" or "I needed more children's activities" or "The preaching didn't keep my attention." The church isn't SUPPOSED to pander to your every entertainment desire!!! Church is supposed to be more about God, and less about you! While there is nothing wrong with finding a church that will work with your kids, or your family, or that has the type of church culture that is comfortable to you (I'll just be honest, I wouldn't be comfortable in a Hispanic church, cause they're music is different, and I don't speak the language), there also needs to be far more said about our involvement in the church. To re-quote Kennedy, "Ask not what your church can do for you, but what you can do for your church." Most people who are most dissatisfied with their church for entertainment and connection issues are also least involved. They fill a pew every Sunday, but do nothing to contribute to the body of God, then wonder why they don't fit it. Forbid it, Lord, that we should take the joy of Your body, and make it about us and our own sinful amusement! This also applies to how we view change in the church. A thought I've been struggling with for a while is this: What is more important in a church, a type of music and preaching that the Christians in the pews want, or the type of worship and preaching that the lost outside the church want to hear? Are we so worried about our own preferences that we would let them get in the way of others hearing the Gospel? Lord, never allow us to stand in the way of Your Word doing the work that needs to be done!

The second issue raised in this song is about the money in a church. Money in religion tends to take on two forms in our mind. First, there's all those prosperity-gospel preachers that work and connive to swindle you from your money, using the Gospel of Christ as the tool to beat you with as they take your money. These men are despicable and I believe are heretics at best and led by Satan at worst! One of these men, the "Reverend" (I hope you can hear the sarcasm when I say that) Creflo Dollar tells his people that true believers are rich, always, and say that despite what the Bible says, Jesus was actually a wealthy man (His basis for this claim is the fact that Judas was the man who held the money for Jesus, so He must have had a lot). He makes this claim, ignoring that Jesus said that "the Son of Man (Jesus) has no place to lay His head." This, by the way, is the same Creflo Dollar that also gave an entire sermon at his 'church' about how Jesus did not come as God, but only as a man, contrary to every Christian belief since the beginning of the Church. There are men out there that are turning money into the new God, and ignoring the Gospel of Christ, to the detriment of the church. Lord, protect us from these false prophets who lead Your church astray and attempt to destroy Your truth! May they cover their faces and be silent because they have no answer before You!

However, there are also believers at the other end of the scale when it comes to money, who treat the church wrong simply because they think the pastor is 'out to get their money.' They are so worried about holding on to 'their' cash that they can't even look at church in the proper light. What they are forgetting is that nothing is yours! Everything belongs to God, and should be given freely back to Him. The Bible teaches that we owe God a tenth of what we have (the Hebrew word for 'tenth' is 'tithe'). I would maintain that a tenth is the least you owe God! In the Old Testament a tenth was given. . .in the New Testament, Jesus tells the rich young ruler "Sell everything you have and come follow me." We are not our own, and what we HAVE is not our own, and belongs to Him. Lord, don't let our own selfish view of money keep us from You, and divide us from Your church, but show us the Truth, and allow us to be the cheerful givers that You desire us to be!