However, not only did my heart break, but I also went to the other extreme from frustration: self-blame. I've spent a lot of time in the past few weeks wondering what I could have done, what I should have done, to keep these students from falling so badly. I felt like a REAL youth pastor wouldn't have his students falling like this. If only I made my Bible studies clearer, my sermon illustrations more compelling, if I spent more time with each student, and would have spent more time with each student's family. If I was a better Christian, a stronger follower, a more humble servant, then no one who came into contact with me would fall away, but ALL would be encouraged to follow more closely. The tears of bitterness over feeling like more could be done are even more painful than tears of brokenness. While I know in my heart that these feelings are crazy, and that people will fall away because they do not follow God like they should, and we all have free will, and use that to turn from God (sorry to anyone who's a hyper-Calvinist and doesn't believe that), it's still have to handle as a leader, and hard to put out of my mind. I do believe that there is something to my self-pity, however. The Bible teaches that those who teach and lead will be held in higher judgment that those who do not. The Word tells us, "Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly," and again, "Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account." Because of this, the burden on me is strong right now, as I feel the need to give an account to my Lord for those who are under my care who fall away. O Lord, forgive me in my failings as a leader! Show those under me the Truth of You, and the desire You have for holiness in Your children. Lead me as well, to lead as You have called me to, and to be upright and righteous in Your sight! And calm my grieving heart, and replace it with a joy and peace that comes from You, through Your Son Jesus Christ. Amen.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Those who teach with authority . . .
Last week was probably one of the harder weeks I've had since I've been in the ministry. I have several youth, either former youth that have graduated and moved on, or current youth, who are making bad decisions for their lives, and last week God completely broke my heart over their sin and struggles. Drinking, partying, sex, drugs, school problems, relationship problems, family problems, all seem prevalent in their lives, and is ruining them and their walk with God. I've seen a lot of these problems before, in them and in other youth, and my typical response was frustration with them: "What's wrong with them?? Why don't they do what they know they should? Don't they love God??" Last week, though, God would no longer allow me to respond with frustration; instead, He broke my heart. God showed me MY sin, and the mistakes and the errors I make still, even as a servant of God. He showed me how broken He is over my sin, and how broken He is over the sin of my students as well. And after seeing that, my natural response was to weep. To cry over the devastation of sin in the lives of my students, over the shame and pain and despair that it is causing them, over the separation with God that it is bringing them. My heart broke, and it still hasn't healed yet.
However, not only did my heart break, but I also went to the other extreme from frustration: self-blame. I've spent a lot of time in the past few weeks wondering what I could have done, what I should have done, to keep these students from falling so badly. I felt like a REAL youth pastor wouldn't have his students falling like this. If only I made my Bible studies clearer, my sermon illustrations more compelling, if I spent more time with each student, and would have spent more time with each student's family. If I was a better Christian, a stronger follower, a more humble servant, then no one who came into contact with me would fall away, but ALL would be encouraged to follow more closely. The tears of bitterness over feeling like more could be done are even more painful than tears of brokenness. While I know in my heart that these feelings are crazy, and that people will fall away because they do not follow God like they should, and we all have free will, and use that to turn from God (sorry to anyone who's a hyper-Calvinist and doesn't believe that), it's still have to handle as a leader, and hard to put out of my mind. I do believe that there is something to my self-pity, however. The Bible teaches that those who teach and lead will be held in higher judgment that those who do not. The Word tells us, "Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly," and again, "Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account." Because of this, the burden on me is strong right now, as I feel the need to give an account to my Lord for those who are under my care who fall away. O Lord, forgive me in my failings as a leader! Show those under me the Truth of You, and the desire You have for holiness in Your children. Lead me as well, to lead as You have called me to, and to be upright and righteous in Your sight! And calm my grieving heart, and replace it with a joy and peace that comes from You, through Your Son Jesus Christ. Amen.
However, not only did my heart break, but I also went to the other extreme from frustration: self-blame. I've spent a lot of time in the past few weeks wondering what I could have done, what I should have done, to keep these students from falling so badly. I felt like a REAL youth pastor wouldn't have his students falling like this. If only I made my Bible studies clearer, my sermon illustrations more compelling, if I spent more time with each student, and would have spent more time with each student's family. If I was a better Christian, a stronger follower, a more humble servant, then no one who came into contact with me would fall away, but ALL would be encouraged to follow more closely. The tears of bitterness over feeling like more could be done are even more painful than tears of brokenness. While I know in my heart that these feelings are crazy, and that people will fall away because they do not follow God like they should, and we all have free will, and use that to turn from God (sorry to anyone who's a hyper-Calvinist and doesn't believe that), it's still have to handle as a leader, and hard to put out of my mind. I do believe that there is something to my self-pity, however. The Bible teaches that those who teach and lead will be held in higher judgment that those who do not. The Word tells us, "Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly," and again, "Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account." Because of this, the burden on me is strong right now, as I feel the need to give an account to my Lord for those who are under my care who fall away. O Lord, forgive me in my failings as a leader! Show those under me the Truth of You, and the desire You have for holiness in Your children. Lead me as well, to lead as You have called me to, and to be upright and righteous in Your sight! And calm my grieving heart, and replace it with a joy and peace that comes from You, through Your Son Jesus Christ. Amen.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments
(
Atom
)
No comments :
Post a Comment