The Long Silence

It seems like every time I begin a blog on here, I start by pointing out how long it has been since I last posted a blog, and how I really need to do better.  THIS time, though, it really has been a long time: the last blog post before this one is from DECEMBER!  There are a few reasons for this.

First, we've been getting settled in here and getting started.  While this may not sound like much, it's exhausting.  Sometimes, it takes forever just to go to the store.  Or to figure out how to fix a roof that is leaking (which has happened 3 times recently).  Or to get a pain of glass replaced (we've been waiting 2 months now to get one fixed).  Or a thousand other things that seem to slow us down to a crawl.  Pair that up with different customs, cultures, and a still slowly-growing grasp of the language, and sometimes it feels like not much gets done... I mean, how often can you write a blog about the joys of getting a tire replaced and finding a good mechanic?  So, often times, I sit down to write, and I end up not writing at all.

Second, when we're getting started, sometimes, it feels like we're not doing much.  It's hard to explain when a good day of ministry is finally getting to meet some neighbors, or to invite a parking-lot attendant to church with us, or to spend a few hours in a shop talking with a shopkeeper about life.  While these are all hugely important building blocks for long-term, successful ministry, sometimes, in my mind, they just feel so... small.  When I worked in the church in Casper, I always had lots to do, and knew exactly what needed to be done, and when I finished that, there was never a shortage of more things to do.  There were always people to visit, events to plan, Bible studies and sermons to prepare, hospital visits to make, students to have lunch with, or coffee with.  But here, so much of our time seems to be moving from one small (but important thing) to the next small (but equally important thing).  So, when I sit down to write, I often think, "gosh, this is going to sound so small, so insignificant.  I have friends back home who aren't in the ministry who have probably had more chances to share the Gospel this week than I have!"  So, because I'm waiting for 'bigger' things to happen, I usually end up skipping writing about all of the countless smaller things that have been going on.  Sometimes, I feel like I need to wait until I have the 'fire-fell-from-heaven-and-for-40-minutes-I spoke-flawless-Spanish-and-2,000-people-got-saved-and-we-planted-5-new-churches' moment before I write.  Sometimes, I forget that these little things that God is doing here and using us in here is part of his current plan, and you deserve to hear about those, too.

Finally, it's been hard to write lately, too, because it's hard to write about struggles.  The past few months have been difficult for us.  We hit that missionary 'wall', the one where we realize that we're not coming home soon, that this is more than just a missions 'trip,' that it's a missions life.  There have been hard times of homesickness (parents visiting in April and June help on the one hand, but also made things harder when they left).  There have been frustrations when we have days where the Spanish just isn't working.  It's been very hard for me (Nick), as I'm a huge extrovert (I'm sure those of you that know me are extremely shocked to hear this :)  ), and I'm suddenly in a place with very few friends, definitely no close friends yet, and very little contact with friends back in the States.  So there's been lots of loneliness, homesickness, some days (if we're being honest) of struggles and depression, and definitely times of spiritual attacks as well, on the whole family.  It's been some of the harder times we've ever experienced.  There have been days where we feel like God is using us here and we're excited to be here, followed by days where we just want to pack up and come home.  We know we're not the only ones, because we talk to and hear of missionaries all the time who are experiencing or have experienced similar things.  But it's hard, and it's discouraging, and when it comes time to write a blog, it's not the sort of thing that's easy to put into words.  More specifically, I think, 'they don't want to hear about our struggles, and they don't want to hear this is hard.  I want them to know how excited and thankful and blessed we are to be doing this, not all of these other thoughts and feelings!' And so, I wouldn't write.

And all of that added up leads to a long absence from the blog.  But, that's not ok!  We have wonderful prayer warriors and wonderful supporters and you all deserve to hear how we are (good and bad), and what God's doing in us here (big or small).  More importantly, beCAUSE you are such great supporters, we need you to know what's going on and how we're doing, because that will help you know how to support us better and pray for us more specifically!

So, first, I'm sorry!  I'm sorry we haven't communicated better the things that God is doing in us, and the ways that we need you!  And second, we're going to do a better job!  Over the next few weeks, we're going to try to have several new blogs so you can know better what's going on, and know more specifically how to pray for us.  Thank you for loving and supporting us, and thank you for all you do to enable us to be here serving in Ciudad Guzmán, Mexico!