Lately, in everything that I've been doing, I've felt small. Weak. Useless. Helpless. It's also been a reoccurring theme in my life, my home, and my ministry for me...I'm just not big enough and not strong enough to do what needs to get done. I get tired. I get frustrated. I get overwhelmed. And when I look to the future, to where I feel like God is leading me and my family, I feel lost. God, I can't handle the task you have in front of me right now, how could I ever take on this? How could you ever lead me there? How could you ever use me like that? Don't you see what a mess I am? Don't you see what a failure I am? Don't you see my sin? Don't you see my struggle?
Then, I read verses like the passage we read last night in youth group, "The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches." God spends a lot of time talking about small things in the Bible. In fact, in our Sunday night study of Judges, we decided the sub-theme of the book is "God uses weak and small people so that only He can receive glory." We read about Gideon, who is a man full of fear and doubt and uncertainty, a man who has to take vastly-reduced army into battle, armed only with trumpets and torches. Why use such weakness? Why use a tiny army? Why the unorthodox weapons? So that GOD may be the one that is praised and honored and glorified. "God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."
That's a powerful verse that reminds us that we were not chosen because of our greatness, but because of God's goodness. As Louie Giglio said, "I don't want to make you feel small. . . . I want to show you that you are small!" God WANTS me to be small! He made me this way! Then, when I recognize my weakness, and my failure, and my insignifigance, He can step in and say, "Let me show you My power." God desires me be small so that He was room to grow within me, and become and do something great. Of course I can't handle anything right now! Of course I can't be enough and do enough. But my God can. He's big. And I can't wait to see how He's going to be big in my life!
2 comments :
Bro, it was so awesome to read this post tonight! There are so many times when I feel this same way. I'm small and helpless and even though I feel God leading me in certain directions, there's no way I'll accomplish it. The beautiful thing is that it isn't up to us to make it all happen. I love that God continually prevails through weakness and failure. It's beautiful to read, and I know God will continue to do amazing things through you in this ministry and in your future. I'm praying for you!
Don't forget that God also grows us to use big things as well. Remember David first using the sword of Goliath after taking it from his corpse? How convenient, the devil passes us the tools we need to defeat him... :)
Later on when he started his flight from Saul, after years of military experience and success, he found himself using Goliath's sword again. That was his weapon in his wilderness years. That's something deep in there to ponder. :)
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